


Last One to Find Out

by Chaos_Valkyrie



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alchemy, Coming Out, Crack, M/M, Violent Wrenches, Wrenches, but not really, oblivious boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6587200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaos_Valkyrie/pseuds/Chaos_Valkyrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here be crack-fic. Enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last One to Find Out

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, Hughes is alive in this. No explanations, no reasons, save that he amuses me, and this story is pure crack.

Edward Elric, boy genius and teenage prodigy, put the finishing touches on the alchemical array before him and smiled broadly. 

“Finally finished! Al, we’ll have your body back in no time!” he cheered, scooping up the papers and running out of the library to find his brother.

*****

Mustang’s crew were all sitting in the outer office, minding their own business when Edward came rushing through the door.

“Alphonse!” he crowed, spotting his brother talking quietly to Hawkeye, “Alphonse, there’s something I need to tell you. I’m –“

“You’re gay? Um, yeah, brother, we already knew that,” Al replied. Ed got the feeling that if he could roll his eyes, he would be.

“…what?” Ed slowly turned crimson from embarrassed horror. “But… what? That’s –“

A wrench suddenly flew out of nowhere and knocked Al’s head off. The rest of his armor cowered as Winry also appeared out of nowhere and hit him with another wrench.

“Al, I told you not to bring it up until he was ready!” she screamed, bashing him repeatedly for good measure.

“But its,” clang, “about time he,” clang, “admitted it,” clang, “to everyone!” Al moaned. Hawkeye shook her head.

“But Alphonse, we told you, he needs to admit it to himself before he can admit it to the rest of us,” she explained.

Edward’s face, meanwhile, had turned a shade of crimson to rival his coat.

“Wait… you’re all in on this?” he asked reluctantly.

Havoc nodded. “It was pretty obvious, boss.”

“Old news,” agreed Breda.

“But… how…” Ed trailed off as Elicia jumped up and hugged him.

“Because we know Ed-chan wuvs Uncle Woy!” she squealed, making Ed’s face turn even darker.

“What!”

“Isn’t she just the cutest!” Maes cooed, snapping pictures from the doorway.

A passing soldier stuck his head in the doorway behind Hughes. And promptly turned into Envy. “We could all tell that all that arguing was merely foreplay, runt,” he smirked, before disappearing again.

“Edward’s finally come out of the closet! For generations, the Armstrong family has supported the alternate lifestyles…” Armstrong ripped his shirt off and droned on in all his muscle-bound glory.

“NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE!!” Ed screamed, silencing everyone. “I didn’t come here for this! You,” he pointed at Al with his automail finger, “I figured out how to get your body back without the Stone! That’s all I came here to say!” he snarled.

“Oh,” was all Alphonse could say, before Winry smacked him again with the wrench. 

“Alphonse!”

“Oh, and yeah on all that other stuff too…” Ed muttered in a low voice, reluctantly. Elicia beamed.

“Ed-chan’s gonna marry Uncle Woy!” she squealed, her father practically melting at her cuteness.

“What the Hell is going on out here?” Roy yelled, standing in the doorway to his office and trying to pretend that he had been hard at work (and not taking a nap, as per usual). Ed’s face, which had almost returned to normal, flushed crimson again.

“Fullmetal’s just come out of the closet, sir!” Fuery piped up from the back of the office. Roy blinked.

“Huh?” 

The others looked at each other in disbelief.

“He’s same-sex oriented, sir,” Hawkeye repeated, her tone careful, as if explaining something to a small child.

“What?!” Roy exclaimed, blinking at Ed in confusion. 

“You couldn’t tell, Chief?” Havoc asked, practically choking on his cigarette.

“…” was all the reply Roy could muster as he stared at the others in disbelief.

“Especially that he’s gay for you?” Maes asked, smiling widely as he snapped photos of Roy’s shock.

“…!…” was the last they heard as Roy, who had forgotten that oxygen was a necessary part of conscious living, promptly passed out.

Despite his embarrassment, Ed smirked. 

“Well, guess I wasn’t the last one to find out.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just another little RoyEd lark that hit me one day. And that I’ve finally gotten around to publishing. Ciao!


End file.
